January 2011
52 posts
December 2010
44 posts
"Your cousin is about as dependable as a condom...
-My father.
Watch“Pelican Attacks Weatherman”
I find there are few things more unifying than laughing at the misfortune of others.
~Catching up with friends from high school~
Friend: Remember sophomore year? On 9/11, I was at my locker and you came up to me and told me about the first plane hitting the building. Then you said, “You’ll always remember me now!” and walked away. I don’t think we had even talked much before then.
"Shut the door. What, did you grow up in a barn?"
My parents, everyone.
I hate that feeling when you catch up on all of...
THERE’S NO MORE INTERNET.
I try to be a good person, but I can't help also...
Example: last night I was driving and saw a homeless man and a dog crossing the street. My first thought was, “I should really give that dog something to eat.”
Had to buy Axe because my cologne wouldn't make it...
ARE YOU HAPPY, TERRORISTS??? I smell like I’m on my way to juvey :(
Remember that movie
Where the two girls don’t like each other but then become friends but THEN have a falling out which makes them think they should’ve never been friends in the first place but by the end they reach a mutual understanding?
JACKintheoffice Day continues
Coworker: Every time I think of Ke$ha I think of you.
Me: That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.
People who stand still on moving walkways.
Card to coworker
“I’d like to think of you as the rock in my life… like the one in 127 Hours. Happy Holidays.”
By the way
If it’s sad to drunkenly hit on a teller from your bank that you tweeted about when you randomly see him out on a Friday night, then I am the first ten minutes of Up.
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Describe your last sexual experience using a film...
Um… Minority Report?
"YOUR SOUL IS MINE!"
Really gotta stop getting my pick-up lines from Mortal Kombat: The Movie (1995).
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